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06 January 2011 @ 02:02 am
fanfic: I Wanna Hold Your Hand (15/17)  
Title: I Wanna Hold Your Hand (15/17)
Author: wanderinghope & thechroniclady
Pairings/Characters: Quinn/Tina
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2,511
Spoilers: none
Summary: When paired together for their winter break Glee assignment, Quinn and Tina had no idea what they were getting into.

Previous Chapters: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Ever since their date in Columbus, things had felt off to Quinn. While the sex was still really awesome and fun, Tina was starting to lose the artistry of discretion. Not that she had ever been a master artist of it in the first place. After slapping Tina’s hand away at school yet again the blonde gave her a sharp look. “Will you stop that?”

Tina returned the glare with one of her own. “What?!” she practically hissed. “I’m not allowed to put my hand on your shoulder? Because that’s such a dead giveaway. ‘Oh look, Tina is touching Quinn’s shoulder. They’re totally doing it.’” she said, sarcastically. To Tina it seemed as if Quinn was getting even more paranoid lately, but Tina didn’t think she was doing anything different. They were just nicer to each other now in front of other people. She didn’t see anything wrong with that.

“You know, you just make things look more suspicious when you freak out about it,” Tina said quietly.

“Can we not talk about this here? If you want to talk, come over after school,” Quinn muttered back quietly then stepped away from Tina. “I’m going to class.” She gave Tina another not so nice look then started off down the hall.

“Fine,” Tina said, defeated. “I’ll see you later,” she said softly. She waited until Quinn was out of sight before turning in the other direction and nearly running head on into Kurt.

“Lover’s spat?” he asked pointedly with a small smirk.

Tina glared and moved around him, bent on ignoring him until he went away. Unfortunately, he was not easily deterred and followed after her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said finally. She had yet to directly admit anything to Kurt yet, though his smart remarks were getting more and more frequent.

“You know, I almost envy you. All the hard work I put into Finn came to nothing. And yet you... though I guess it’s not a fair comparison. She’s so obviously a lesbian.”

“You think so?” Tina asked immediately, before wincing slightly. Shit. “I mean... whatever. I don’t care. I’m gonna be late,” she said quickly, before hurrying off. Not looking back to see the incredibly amused look on Kurt’s face.

The rest of the day for Tina was spent in a bad mood and she almost considered just going straight home and not over to Quinn’s, but about ten minutes after she left the school parking lot she found herself parked in front of Quinn’s house. Pulling out her phone, Tina sent her a quick text. I’m outside your house. Are you even here yet?

Quinn decided not to look out the window as she waited in order to save herself the humiliation if Tina didn’t show up. Even though she knew that Tina was going to show up. She always did. Finally her phone buzzed and she quickly typed out a response. Yeah, parked in the garage. Door’s unlocked, just come in. After pressing send, she settled back into the couch and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them in a hug.

Tina read Quinn’s text a good three time before finally stepping out of her car and making her way slowly up the driveway. Now that she was there her anger with Quinn was starting to fade. She was more hurt and confused than anything else. Opening and stepping through the front door, Tina removed her coat and shoes before walking over to the staircase, thinking Quinn would be in her room. “Quinn?” she called out loudly, just to be sure.

“I’m in the den,” Quinn called back, though not quiet as loudly, but still loud enough for the other girl to hear. She had changed into sweats and a tshirt as she waited (what seemed like forever) for Tina to arrive. Usually she would just leave her uniform on since she knew Tina liked it so much, but she felt like something big was happening between then and distracting her girlfriend with her sexuality would make this conversation a lot harder.

Once Tina finally entered the den, Quinn lifted her forehead off her knees and looked at the other girl. “Hi.”

“Hey,” she said quietly, lingering awkwardly around the entrance for the den. She hadn’t quite been expecting this. She thought she’d come in here to find Quinn in full on HBIC mode, ready to bitch her out for whatever it was Tina had done wrong. But instead she looked kind of lonely and sad, and Tina really just wanted to hug her at this point.

Instead she decided to simply sit down next to her on the couch and wait for Quinn to initiate whatever was about to happen now.

It took Quinn a long time to speak but when she finally did her voice was quiet and she refused to look at Tina. “I need you to stop doing that stuff at school. If my mom finds out she is going to kick me out and then once again poor little Quinny will be homeless. Only instead of homeless and pregnant, I’ll be homeless and gay this time. And it’s not like that’s going to go away in nine months.”

Tina didn’t even know how to respond to that. She didn’t even think she’d been acting that differently. The only people she knew to suspect anything were Kurt and Finn, but they had basically caught them in the act. “I... I don’t think we’re being... I don’t think I’m being as obvious as you think I am,” she started, softly. “And I thought it was okay if we let people know that we’re at least friends. I mean, I just... like being near you.” She couldn’t even look at Quinn at this point. She just felt kind of pathetic. “And I understand, about your mom, which is why I stop myself from doing and saying a lot of the things I want to at school. It’s hard for me. Really hard. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah friends like you and Artie are friends, not like Brittany and Santana are friends. Everyone knows they’re sleeping together and if you keep getting all touchy feely with me in the hall then everyone will think the same thing about us. And I just can’t risk it. I really like you but I can’t get chucked away by my family again.”

Quinn had dropped her head back down onto her knees with a sigh. “Why do you need to have a public relationship? I’ve had those. They end up turning out terrible. Why can’t we just keep this private and special and not fucked up by everything else. Because that’s going to happen if word gets out. You know, if I’m even still here. I might have to go become a-a-a...” she stumbled across her words before blurting, “A street performer in Columbus or something if my mom disowns me. I don’t know what I would do.” The more Quinn talked the more hysterical her voice got. This really was not how she saw her life going but then it just happened and she couldn’t go back to not feeling like this but everything was just so overwhelming.

Tina felt only a little awkward at the mention of Artie’ name, but quickly brushed it off. Maybe it was because Tina didn’t think she was facing the same risk if her parents found out about her and Quinn that just made this a difficult concept to grasp. She thought the chances of Quinn’s mother not kicking her out were just as likely as the less appealing alternative. But as she listened to Quinn go on, Tina realized just how much this concerned her.

“I’m not saying that I want... need to go public with our relationship. Even though when we were in Columbus, it was nice just being able to hold your hand whenever I wanted to. I liked the freedom. Keeping it a secret, yeah, it’s hard for me. I admit. But, for one, I don’t think we’ve ever been nearly as obvious as Brittany and Santana, except for maybe at Mike’s party. But we were drunk. And two, how do you know your mom will kick you out. Last time was your dad’s idea, not hers. You said yourself that you don’t give her enough credit sometimes. Did you ever think it possible that she, you know... won’t disown you?”

“I still can’t believe we got caught like that at Mike’s. Is Kurt still bugging you about us? Because he’s like, a huge gossip. One day he’s going to feel especially spiteful and blab it out. And then where will I be? Being a... street performer.” Quinn sighed. “And how would my mother, the social butterfly, explain her gay daughter to the congregation of our church? Everyone who thinks I am living a life of sin. I would never be able to go back there. I grew up in that church. I’ve known those people my whole life. Aren’t you worried about what your parents will say?”

Tina nodded reluctantly. “He makes comments every now and then. He does have a big mouth, but if there is one thing that Kurt understands, it’s what it’s like being in the closet. He wont say anything. Not about this,” Tina said confidently. Not even Kurt was that big of a bitch.

This whole street performer idea Quinn had in her head was equal parts sad and funny. Tina shook her head, a little exasperated and scooted closer to her on the couch. “Do you honestly think I’d let you take off to Columbus to become a street performer? And I’m not saying your mom will jump for joy about this, but that doesn’t mean she’ll kick you out. And honestly, I think my parents already know. I have a half-naked Dita von Teese poster on my bedroom wall, so...” She was sure they were both in some kind of denial about the whole thing. And they knew she had dated Artie, so in their minds they still had a 50% chance their daughter would go on to lead what they considered a normal life.

“How can you be so sure? How can you be so calm?” Quinn wanted to just cuddle up against Tina but she couldn’t allow this to just be brushed away. “I know it was my dad who told me to leave last time but she didn’t stop him. So she had to agree with him to a certain extent right? And now I don’t have any more evidence of what happened. But I--I’m going to be like this forever and--” She stopped talking and sighed. “I just don’t know what to do.”

Tina wasn’t that sure, but she did know her parents. She understood the way they worked. And she wasn’t freaking out about it because she knew that the chances of them throwing her out were slim, and if that did happen, she knew exactly where she could go. “I just know them. Really well. My mom would assume it was a phase, and my dad would pretend I hadn’t said anything at all.” It wasn’t the best scenario, but she could deal with it for now.

Tina moved a little closer still to Quinn. “And your mom welcomed you back in while you were still pregnant... and it’s not like she could have known you were going to go into labor right then.” Part of her didn’t really want to push Quinn into coming out, in the off chance that her mom did kick her out. But another part of her didn’t want to keep this a secret anymore. “And you’re right. This isn’t ever going to go away. But you can’t be in the closet forever.”

“But--Maybe it is a phase. I still like boys. Maybe I’ll grow up, we’ll both grow out of it, and get married and then this won’t even be an issue. I don’t have to come out. Being pregnant is different than being gay. At least when I was having a baby my mom knew I was straight. But now--” Quinn abruptly cut herself off when she realized what exactly she was saying. “Wait, I didn’t mean--”

Of all the things that Quinn could have said, that was probably the worst. All the anger Tina felt before came back instantly. She moved away from Quinn very quickly, shooting out of her seat and turning to face her. “Yes you did. You meant everything you said just now, and if that’s what you want, then fine.” The angrier she became, the faster and louder she spoke. “Maybe I don’t want to grow out of it. Because I don’t think I need to. And for the record being gay is in no way as bad as getting pregnant at sixteen!”

Tina didn’t even know how to deal with this at the moment, she just knew she had to get out of there before she started crying. “And thanks for letting me know that our relationship has an expiration date. But I don’t really feel like waiting around for that to happen, so I’m ending this now.” And with that, Tina quickly made her way out of the den, desperate to get out of there as fast as possible.

Quinn sat there, completely shocked, for a few moments before getting angry as well. Tina couldn’t just break up with her. Or if she was going to there was no way she was going to get the last word. She pushed herself off the couch and caught Tina just as she was getting to the front door. “Well, fine. Guess you just weren’t that great, enough for me to want to risk it. Why settle for mediocre, right?” She sneered at the other girl.

That probably hurt Tina more than anything else that Quinn had ever said to her, or anyone really. But she wasn’t surprised, because this was Quinn. And she couldn’t really believe that to be true. “I doubt anyone would be. You’re pathetic,” she said softly. “And I deserve better.”

Quinn walked over to the closet and snatched Tina’s coat. “Then get your ass out of my pathetic house,” she said coldly, shoving the garment at her, before turning around and marching away, clicking on her iPod at full blast when she reached her room so she wouldn’t have to listen to Tina leave.

Tina pulled her coat and shoes on quickly before marching out, the slam of the door behind her making her jump slightly. She was so upset it took her two tries before she managed to open the door to her car and hurry inside. Telling herself it was for the best as she started the engine and sped away from there as quickly as possible.